Cancer: A wake up call, an initiation and an end to suffering

Before I get into these thoughts and words that are “jumping up and down” inside of me, words just waiting to get out into the world, I want to take a moment and Thank You for being HERE.

Look, I recognize that you live a rich, full, (and very busy) precious life and I want to acknowledge you taking the time to read these words. We are each providing validation and deepening (for each other) on our paths as we “cross paths.” And I also want to acknowledge and validate your efforts in becoming a better human and taking some time to enrich your life. Thank you!

My prayer: 🙏🏽 Let these words be a mirror to reflect the beauty that is within you, so you may see it around you. Maybe this beauty surround you everywhere you go. May your life be full of ease, joy and marvelous health! May you live from your heart. May you feel your feet on the ground. May you feel connected to your ancestors and the land. May you come home to yourself.✨

I truly believe a life “well-lived” is a life made up of small, intentional actions. AND a life “well lived” needs to be examined in the same way that a scientist or researcher would look through a microscope. We need to observe our life as if we are in the audience (and our life is on the stage) as a Witness. When we can do this without the emotional roller coasters and reactive “on ramps” that our society is “booby trapped” with, we can become the creator of our destiny.

This is not an easy path, but that is the “path less traveled” which is the path I’ve always gravitated toward. This is the path influenced by timeless spiritual wisdom.

What I’m trying to say is that our attention, especially our “intentional attention” (when we are intentional about where we place our attention) is as valuable as a meteor from the sky! Or as valuable as that diamond you or a loved one wear (if not MORE valuable!).

So I want to start out by thanking you for being here. Ok, (rubbing hands together), let’s get into it!

Because I am here today writing (and in my head, talking) about the sensitive issue that is LIFE and DEATH, I also want to start out by acknowledging that we (as individuals) have our own timeline. Now what do I mean by that? I want to be sensitive to this. Cancer provides a few opportunities, much like a game show having multiple doors hiding a prize. Do we live? Does our body succumb? Does our spirit rise above the challenges? We don’t know what will happen….

Let’s face it, not one of us knows how long we will live (unless you are shaman and have “traveled” to the end of your life or are acutely psychic). We don’t know our own “end date.” We each have a “length” to our lifetime, think of it like a line across a page, with a start and an end date.

Or think of your life like an arrow across the horizon, with different events shaping the arc and flow of your life. Places we have lived, relationships we have had, work and careers, these all shape our life and our “timeline.” But not one of us knows how long we have.

That’s what I mean by timeline. You could also call it a lifetime. Bio hackers are talking about adding more “life” to your lifetime so you are not debilitated the last 20+ years of your life but instead can continue to live an active, rich life. Hello Thrivership! I like you 🌞… (but I digress)…

Cancer can be an opportunity, in my opinion, like the proverbial “2 by 4” that smacks us on the side of the head and gets us back on the “track” of where our life was meant to go.

Cancer can also “wake us back up” to the present moment, where our true power and healing lies and awaits our discovery because we realize that we need to make changes if we want to have different results.

Cancer can ALSO make us realize we need to “get our affairs in order” so our spirit can live ON, unencumbered by the struggles of “life in the flesh.”

There is beauty to be found in each path.

Last night, as I was making the bed, I was reflecting on how cancer may very well be the “best worst thing” that ever happened to me because I let myself be softened by cancer. (This was my experience).

Through this process, I let my multidimensional self unfold like a hand-held fan and now that I am a few years removed from 2020, I can see how cancer was an initiation into the “mystery teachings” that I have longed to study since I was a teenager because I was ready.

Cancer can make us rigid and hard, calcifying our stubbornness into our body structure.

Cancer can also smooth away our rough edges like a tumbled stone that becomes soft and smooth in the hand when held gently without gripping. It can even do both, ON the same day, depending on our mood, state of mind, blood sugar levels and life circumstances.

Over the last five years, I KNOW that there were periods of time when I was very rigid and it was tremendously difficult for my husband (and family members) to experience this side. I’m not going to sugar-coat this. Cancer has been difficult on our marriage and my relationships. AND it’s also paved the way for major growth and positive changes. AND I’ve made friends-all thanks to cancer.

AND, as I’ve let myself be softened by cancer, as I let it erase my hard edges and false personas, I have found my true self, my true essence being revealed, much like a sculpture being offered to the public as the curtain is pulled back. I find myself back in tune with a child-like nature that is FULL of wonder and curiosity.

I see this “heart of gold” in my sister’s children, as they reflect back to me the true nature I see in them. It’s the most beautiful experience to see this pure goodness in the children, knowing this is our true nature.

As I observe these children, I notice that I have a STRONG desire to encapsulate them in this state of pure love, absolute wonder and joy that is unwavering. I want to protect them from the harshness and pains of the world, to protect them from ANY AND ALL suffering so they can stay young and innocent forever. But alas, we know that this is NOT how life works. I imagine this is what a parent must feel for their child.

In fact, it is through this suffering that I endured over the last five years that I have grown and shaken off the conditioning and false narratives as I “untamed” my multidimensional being from the shackles it was trapped in due to our society’s programming.

When I zoom out, as if looking through the lens of a camera, and I look at the life arc of each of my nieces and nephews, I recognize that their soul will provide them with the exact lessons they need to grow and become a better human, much like my life has provided these lessons for me. And I know that I can offer support and send them love and well wishes for a healthy life that is “well lived” without getting attached to any particular outcome for their individual lives. Instead, I can see them dancing through their lives as if they are dancing on the arc of the rainbow, living a life of joy and “right dharma.” It’s a delicate dance, but I can even find myself there, dancing on the rainbow with them, giggling along with silly joy!

We are each meant to experience the joy that is our natural state. Joy is our true nature! What does a baby do? They giggle and laugh!

Life covers this JOY all up with all the dramas and traumas, like leaves getting caught in the grass as the grass tries to grow from the ground. These leaves (traumas and dramas) can become rich fertilizer, if we “let them” and learn to take the kernels of wisdom from an experience that is difficult. This isn’t an easy process, but when is anything worthwhile EVER easy?

During the “Cancer and COVID” era of my life, when we were “locked down” in isolation, I made a friend through a metastatic breast cancer support group that had it’s own momentum built up through lasting friendships and support and her name is Amy Glass. Amy reached out through an email chain I got connected with. Amy passed in December 2023.

She and I would talk on the phone, supporting each other and we even met up for tea a couple times (when meeting face-to-face meant you could risk sudden COVID death). I’m trying to make light of a very serious time, but I bring up Amy because she and I talked about how we were trying to look at our cancer journey as the ultimate “end to suffering.”

Our mutual (somewhat unofficial agreement) was that through our own individual suffering (and shared suffering on the cancer journey as friends) may the suffering of others be eased.

We recognized that suffering was apart of life and we hoped and prayed that our suffering would be “enough” to prevent others to go through the same. We talked about Pema Chodron’s books and supported each other through a really difficult time. We acknowledged that by letting suffering “cut us open” our hearts were actually growing.

I’ll never forget Amy. I made a friend at a time when it was really hard to make friends! I consider myself really blessed to have “shouldered the burden of suffering” with Amy.

I’d like to end this writing with a Metta Prayer. Replace “all beings” with “I” and recite this prayer both ways to become a mirror for peace, compassion and true love. May your true essence be revealed in all ways, always.

Metta Prayer

May all beings be peaceful.

May all beings be happy.

May all beings be safe.

May all beings awaken to the light of their true nature.

May all beings be free.

If you or a loved one are facing a cancer diagnosis along with treatment and want some holistic tips and tricks to manage nausea, subscribe to my newsletter (at the bottom of my webpage) to automatically receive my “Cancer Thrivership Checklist” through my website I promise not to spam you or sell your information.

First Fridays of the month I am holding space for a “Different kind of support group” that is meeting virtually to start. Find out more and register here. In the fall of 2025 I plan to have a place to meet in the twin cities biweekly or monthly.

Coming soon, I’ll be offering “Mandala making” for the healing journey. Message me “Mandala” to be added to the wait list at: Info@Healingwithannette.org.

Thank you for reading! I wish you many blessings.

Annette Hennekens-Sklenar

https://www.healingwithannette.org/